Cheeni Kum

Absolute classic.. A great comedy after a long time in Bollywood. A very simple story treated in a very light-hearted way. As expected great performances from the lead cast and talented supporting cast, but what was better was the direction and the dialogues. I dont think it is fair to compare this movie to Nishabd because they are completely different genres. This is a romantic comedy and you dont realize that the age is major factor till Paresh Rawal comes into the scene. Nishabd was about a 60 year old man who falls for an 18 year old girl, his daughter's friend when he is married. In Cheeni Kum Big B is single and there are no such complications which in turn allows the nnarrative to be light-hearted. This is the best comedy in Bollywood since Hera Pheri and that's saying a lot.

Cheeni Kum 

A 34 years old spinster (Tabu) – thinks of herself to be too intellectual. Shown as sober, soft, sophisticated – belonging to a middle class family. Since she thinks of herself to be too intellectual – or maybe because she actually is – she fails to find a suitable groom for herself – she found her contemporaries to be either utterly dumb or immature. Basically she missed the correct age of marriage – as set by the society - based on Science and history of social development – which is ideally between 21 to 27 max for girls.

 

Little bit on  the Science front – A Lady should conceive by 30 because after 30 the probability of giving birth to abnormal children rises. Cases like Idiocy also called Down’s syndrome or Trisomy 21…here before I proceed – read an excerpt from Wikipedia : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome

 Maternal age influences the risk of conceiving a baby with Down syndrome. At maternal age 20 to 24, the risk is 1/1490; at age 40 the risk is 1/60, and at age 49 the risk is 1/11.[14] The risk increases with maternal age. Other than maternal age, no other risk factors are known. There does not appear to be a paternal age effect.The maternal age effect describes the exponentially increasing risks for numerical chromosomal abnormalities among her gametes as a prospective mother ages. This increase reflects the overall increase in the rate of nondisjunction with maternal age.

Now some dumb reader should not come and report to me that he knows of some lady who conceived at the age of 23 but still gave birth to an abnormal – physically handicapped child …well – there is something called genetic disorder – so it cannot be helped ! Better check the gene map and family tree of prospective groom or bride before tying the knot …instead of giving birth to an abnormal child and suffering endlessly !! I am talking about Down’s syndrome here ….some symptoms are as follows :

 

Individuals with Down syndrome can have a lower than average cognitive ability, often ranging from mild to moderate mental retardation. Developmental disabilities often manifest as a tendency toward concrete thinking or naïveté. A small number have severe to profound mental retardation.

 Back to Cheeni Kum. 

And then there is this Chef (Amitabh Bachchan),64 years old, working in some Restaurant abroad . ABROAD. Point to be noted Melords . Phoren (foreign) country ! An Indian Chef settled abroad with his mother who is an avid watcher of ‘Sex in the City’ and other Sex oriented teleserials. He had fallen in love with some gori mem (fair British damsel) but as usual the fair and lovely damsel ( genetically – originally - they have a very fair complexion – so even a slum dweller / sweeper-ess of England will be better looking than an average Indian woman) kicked his butt after using him and so he remained a bachelor – probably heart broken or probably failed to meet someone as pretty as her.

 

 It is a very common happening in India – I have heard of cases that Indian men (well established and belonging to well to do families) have spent over Lakhs on the net trying to rope in some fair damsel – by seeing her beautiful – probably semi nude pic – but the same ones would never shell out even a single shilling for the needy and the poor in his own country ! gosh! Such is the ‘lust’ to hump a fair and lovely female – no matter whether she is a virgin/chaste decent girl or a ‘hazaar fucked’ whore !! she just has to spread her legs – period !!

 

Anyways, Tabu and Chef meet and they start liking each other.30 years difference. Tabu’s father was 58 – ie. 6 years younger to his son-in-law. Tabu tells her father about the Chef and her father refuses obviously !! There is a dialogue where he says – you can marry him over my dead body and his daughter replies ‘when are you kicking the bucket?’ – gosh!! So you see the end result of bringing forth a child in Ghor Kalyug ? – a daughter on top of that – you gotta be very careful with a girl child since so many sex-starved street dogs loiter in this world – anytime some vulnerable girl can be made into a ‘sex’ object !! So after nurturing & educating your children by working day and night to give them the best, they turn out to be perfect mongrels !! how come ? Society and its evolution of course !!With the media being ruled by complete wasteful and shameless blokes – what else can your child learn ?…and then of course there are parents clinging to age old inapplicable traditions and culture…and marketing it as religion …and another set of extremely liberal parents – mother a ‘desperate housewife’ and father a ‘debauch whore monger’ ……and blah blah – growing up in this utmost contradictory situation – an individual fails to make the correct decisions !!But natural !

 

There is also a role of a small girl patient having a hole in the heart or leukemia and about to die – she was added probably to mellow down the bold theme of the movie ! some mushy tears and feeling sad for the abnormal small girl etc. were added in the movie to probably show the ‘caring’ side of the Chef. The Chef is also made to feel guilty for not praying for the little dying girl but praying for himself and his new found young and taut (for his standards) sex partner – showing that human beings are so very selfish !

 

With the release of this movie – the already sex starved dilapidated old haggard mongrel males in India will regain more enthusiasm and with greater fervor – will try to act fresh with ladies much younger to them – the release of movies like – Jogger’s Park, Nishabd and Chini Kum – have given a lot of impetus to the already sex starved debauch old haggards !!They will start trying their luck desperately anywhere and everywhere and some decent no-nonsense girls will have to suffer the brunt of it !! Anyway – to balance the situation some daughters of ‘desperate housewives’/whores/greedy or debauch fathers will come forward and make them feel like the characters played by  Victor Banerjee and Amitabh Bachchan respectively – for a couple of days only though –after enjoying their money – they will kick their aged – shriveled up butts and proceed with life looking for other ‘murgas’ (idiots) to rope in !!

 A real life Cheeni Kum incident : 

Folks – I happen to know a real life case – a person – known to us – was a Doctor practicing abroad. Married to a foreign Lady – he had a son as well. At the age of 60 he divorced her and came back to India and married a 30 years old Lady – a reporter in an ace daily Newspaper. He copulated yet again – at the age of 60 …and gave birth to a ‘spastic’ child ! He died recently at the age of 72 leaving behind a 42 years old widow with a spastic child to look after !! So you see even the sperms start to degenerate after a certain age ! Its amazing to see that being a doctor – he went ahead with child birth !! He could just have had sex – the reason why men live – and died at 72 – that way the 42 years old woman could have married elsewhere….coz you see its difficult to find a man who would be ready to take the responsibility of a woman with a spastic issue !!(deep sigh) – folks follow the rules and norms and behave normally – this will save you and others from a lot of heart breaks and sadness !