A showcase of various permutations and combinations of ‘love – lust?' as prevalent in Ghor Kalyug !
Love One
Married for 15 years and a father of 2 kids (Anil Kapoor) happens to visit an Item Girl while she was performing in front of a couple of frustrated, debauch, sex starved men. She was wearing a lil'more than ‘chaddi' (panty) and lil' more than ‘bra' – and often her dance steps urged her to strike a pose as if she is ‘shitting' in an imaginary commode ! The married man sees it and gets the feeling of ‘humping' her with immediate effect – it was a case of instant turn on – he got turned on by a girl who might have been just some 3-4 years older to his own daughter !But since he belonged to a middle class family – its really not easy to ‘hump' and get over with it – so he starts playing with the thought – of how would it be like to ‘hump' this fresh, taut item! His wife (Juhi Chawla) comes to know of his affinity for a younger girl is heart broken.
PS : the Item Girl was dancing on a yesteryear Item number. In the old black and white movie – the female was fully covered – but in this movie – the song was the same but the female was hardly covered – well it shows how frustrated and bolder the daughters of yesteryear females have become – but natural – this is called ‘evolution' I guess !
Love Two
Akshay Khanna is engaged to a girl (Ayesh Takiya) . But he hates the very idea of getting married and getting stranded for life !He believed in freedom and he was afraid that marriage will take away his freedom from him – he believed in enjoying life – partying, watching movies, boozing…..and much more ! So he tries to break off his engagement – and is successful in doing so as well !
Love Three
A foreigner (American English speaking) comes to India in search of her Indian lover – who had probably ‘humped her and later dumped her' for free – acting that he was in love with her while he was living abroad – otherwise ‘sex' abroad can prove to be very expensive if its to be paid for – and we all know that Indian men are very miserly regarding money !
This foreign blonde was dumb enough to think that the Indian born mongrel was actually serious about her ! Thus she comes all the way from US / UK in search of her Indian boyfriend.(obviously the story is taken from Pyaar toh hona hi tha – I really pity the bollywood Directors who are busy copy pasting stuff and have zero originality – not their fault – they are surrounded 24x7 hours by readily available cheap - game Item girls – and thus their energies get wasted in tasting them one by one – what time is left to think of some original ideas - huh?)
So this blond meets an illiterate Taxi Driver who brings her to Taj Mahal in Agra when she actually asked for The Taj Hotel in Delhi – thus they spend a lot of time together – hunting for her lover – but actually the hindi speaking illiterate Taxi driver (Govinda) falls in love with the dumb blond ! The dumb blond is obviously not in love with him for she had got the taste of an English speaking hunk of an Indian male.
Love Four
Missed a few minutes in the beginning but whatever little I could make out was that a Journalist lady and her friend working in the same Office were in love with each other. Dame (Vidya Balan – who looks like an ever-ready battery…know what I mean – horny yeah!) was a Muslim and male (John Abraham) was a Hindu. They had met in a marriage party and the male had instantly taken a liking for her – He goes against his parents' wishes and married the muslim girl. His parents kick him out of the house for doing so... but he really couldn't careless since he was grown up now and was working – so he leaves his parents and goes ahead to ‘hump' – after marrying of course – the girl of his choice !
She meets with an accident and forgets some part of her memory – the same part where she met and fell in love with the hindu male! Thus a new love story starts for the hindu fella – he starts serving her like a servant, taking her to all those places where they probably had had a quickie session - and tries to remind her that he is her husband ..and the good times he has had with her …in so many places…. But she fails to remember anything and loiters with him like a dead lettuce leaf !
Love Five
A small time club dancer (Prinyanka Chopra) wants to make it big in the film world and her dream is to get an offer from Karan Johar ! She tries her level best to create hype about herself – her love life etc. so that she is constantly in the lime light so that the Directors take notice of her. In comes a character (Salman Khan) – who was a waiter in the same club where she danced and mentally loved her a lot. Well for the first time the correct partner choice has been shown – a waiter falls for a club dancer ! He pursues her and makes her fall in love with her – ie. he makes her understand what is more important in life – to be happy with a life partner – who also loves you – or the glitz of the artificial glamour world !
Love Six
A jahil-ganwaar village couple who only know one thing - that love is equal to having a good ‘hump session' – the husband is shown to be constantly aroused by his wife's twin assets and wants to have a quickie session with her when ever he gets a chance. He is already a father of 4-5 children. They all sleep in the same room in a line and after checking that his children (11-13 years old) are all asleep , he tries to do the needful with his wife !! yuk! what a pathetic condition they have! Humping in presence of children – who can wake up anytime !!When they are so keen on humping – they should not have brought forth a couple of mongrels on earth !!
(There was a yesteryear movie – Piya ka ghar – something similar was shown there – dearth of space and failing to ‘do the needful' – but was shown in a much sophisticated manner )
The Meeting point
The above couples meet – coincidentally. Anil Kapoor is counseled by the ex club dancer – Priyanka - about the priorities of life. Thus the educated and working man – a husband and father as well – realizes that he should go back to his wife Juhi . For if he continues his affair with the Item Dancer – his reputation would be at stake and he might be called a pedophile ! Afraid of the probable consequences , he rushes back to his wife – who is about to leave for her younger sister's wedding – Ayeshya – who has broken off her engagement with Akshaya and is getting married to the foreign returned stud who had dumped the blonde babe ! (in a scene it is shown that the foreign returned stud is visiting a girl – kinda selecting a good Indian to-be bride – where the ugly looking girl begins to vomit – indicating that she was pregnant!! – so you see the Directors show the right thing – the foreign returned ‘amply humped' man will only get proposals from ‘humped' bitches – afterall Ram banaye jodi- right folks?)
The blonde babe comes in the marriage party along with the Taxi driver and creates a ruckus. The foreign stud – her ex boyfriend – asks her to get lost because he wanted to marry an Indian girl not a dumb blond. Hearing this, the Taxi driver slaps the groom and gives him a philosophical jargon – this impresses the blonde babe immensely and she proposes to the taxi driver !! Really blonde – I don't know how they will communicate with each other !! Or is the Director trying to tell the Indian audience that – marriage is all about humping on bed – licensed humping where the Police can never raid your house ?!Thus one should not bother much about education or culture – just switch off the lights – all are the same !!Its not their fault actually – daily they are used to watching desperate girls wanting to serve them (Hump them and render sexual services to them so that they get a chance to come on the celluloid – and obviously the Directors take ample advantage of this situation – thus they promote the fact that its just alright to marry anyone – just anyone will do – no need to check age, education…nothing !- its all the same – exactly the same !!)
The dumb lettuce leaf alias ever ready battery – yeah! horny Vidya meets with an accident and is hit by Akshaya's car. Akshaya rings up John – seeing his Mobile number in her mobile phone (wow – for the first time an Indian Hero has been shown using his wit and intelligence ) and John comes running and picks up Vidya and takes her to Akshaya's house. Lettuce leaf awakens and with owl-y dark patched eyes says that in spite of the fact that she has been hit on the head and the entire Indian Audience thought that she will regain her memory and they will again ‘happily hump' each other ever after – well…we were given the greatest shock of our lives ! She did not regain her memory ! John says that whatever it is – he loves her and accepts her the way she is !
Akshaya sees it and realizes that its okay to marry and have some one attend to your daily needs after all – how long can one go on searching for a new ‘available' whore – and they are speedily becoming very expensive as well ! And extra marital affair is acceptable in India because all Indian men know and agree how sick it is to have a wife and feed and bear up with her tantrums – but still – it's a better choice that having to go to a brothel daily ! Once in a while it is okay – but daily becomes an expensive affair! Thus Akshay runs to his girl friend's wedding location and - at the nick of time – marries her !!
Ex club dancer comes in search of her waiter lover – Salman who was catering ….or was the Event Manager …probably of Ayeshya's wedding. Just as she is about to confess him of her love – the phone rings and Karan Johar askes her if she would like to act in his movie. She refuses him and decides to marry the waiter !!
( Note : In real life , the waiter husband would have jumped at the offer and would have been happier ….. and would have gladly let his wife gyrate on Item numbers …for it is the easiest way to earn money ! – its just that the movie is made keeping the middle class people – like me – on mind – so they give such dumb endings – We , the People are after all dumb na).
In the last scene, the ‘humpy' couples are shown ‘doing the needful' in a train ..whenever it was passing through a tunnel ! Faster than what was shown in ‘The Benny Hill show' !
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